1. We are safe from sea attacks. If some ignorantly confident country decides to invade us by sea we are relatively safe, being one thousand miles away from the action on both sides.
2. If those wacky liberals are right and the "green house effect" is in full effect and the snow caps melt into the sea bringing tidel waves of flood water hundreds of miles inland...we are safe...we will be a tiny island in the middle of a new ocean. The island of Indiana. Has a nice litte ring to it.
3. We have Jimmy Chitwood. No one else does. You may love the movie Hoosiers (and if you have a soul you do) but you don't love it like we do. We grew up shooting jumpshots until dark. In a game of horse between a man from the Midwest and a man from anywhere else the game will result in a H-O to H-O-R-S-E victory to the man from Middle America. (it should be noted that if you grew up in the Midwest and move you are still a man from Gods Country...even if you moved to Charleston).
4. Everywhere else is a nice vaction spot.
5. We can hold our liquor. This may seem unimportant to many, but if you have had drinks with someone outside of our geographic location you will know what I am talking about. Chuck Klosterman has a great quote about Midwest drinkers...the details escape me.
6. The hole-in-the-wall bar is not a gimmicky, trendy place for hipsters to occasionally gather to drink Pabst Blue Ribbon and feel like they are blue collar; it is our every night and we are blue collar (even if we are technically not).
7. You can wear jeans and a t-shirt to about any eating establishment you chose to dine in. Unless you are a gimmicky, trendy bar trying to be LA or NYC...then you have to slap on your black pants and tight muscle shirt. You guys are clowns.
8. Once you live in the Midwest it is difficult to leave (see #8 on 10 things I HATE About Living In The Midwest)...Unless you plan on moving to Charleston...I guess.
9. There isn't a place in the world where the changing leaves in the fall are prettier. IF we get a fall...the drive to Bloomington Indiana is about as nice as it gets. The only problem is that sometimes we skip through fall right into winter.
10. We are surrounded by "real" people (and by "real" I mean those who truly know what it means to be a Midwesterner...not those posers who have confused themselves into believing they are something other than what they really are)...we exercise when we feel like it...we eat red meat when we feel like it...we drink whiskey when we feel like it...we have fistfights when we feel like it...most of all I think we try to keep things simple.
2 comments:
haha!!! must be why i dominated you in H-O-R-S-E. i know that gets under your skin, but it's true. and why i dominate everyone here in horse. nobody takes as seriously, but honestly....it's nice to say "i'm a better shooter than you." and prove it.
ah, be that as it may....good shooters can shoot off the dribble!!! and the "reggie miller step back 3" is devastating. simply devastating. i can go right and left....you're just long range. and second-best, really.
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