Everything You Need To Know About Life and Relationships You Will Find In The Natural

Opinions are opinions. Facts are facts. It is not an opinion that The Natural is the best baseball movie in existance. It is a fact. I know the Bull Durham fans out there are throwing fits, but fact is fact. You can't argue it. The Natural has it all...hero's and villans and muses, devils and angels, glory and shame. If you have a child and would like to give them a head start on figuring out life, go ahead and sit them down in front of the television and put in the VHS tape. Besides the obvious, your kid wanting to throw baseballs through the side of a barn, and wanting to carve a baseball bat out of the first tree he comes across in the back yard, and wanting to wow onlookers by whipping baseballs into wooden bottles at the county fair, and wanting to sleep with a pretty woman in a full length fur coat, they will learn the importance of good people vs. evil people and how the world always catches up to the evil...even when you think they have gotten away with everything.
--Lessons Learned---
1) LOYALTY--
At first Roy Hobbs does not like Pop...mainly because Pop doesnt give him a chance until the pinch hit appearance that ends up with Roy hitting the cover off the ball. Later Roy goes down...gets paid off to sit the final game out...gives the money back only to win the pennant for Pop.n
Pop Fisher---You know my mama wanted me to be a farmer.
Roy Hobbs---My dad wanted me to be a baseball player.
Pop Fisher---Well you're better than any player I ever had. And you're the best God damn hitter I ever saw. Suit up. (Wow! If that doesn't fire you up you are dead...or close to it.)
-don't sell out for cash--especially when your head coach is Wilford Brimley-
Money does not make you happy---hitting game winning bombs does
2) THE DANGERS OF THE "WRONG WOMAN"
Roy has everything going for him. He is young, he just banged Glen Close in the barn, he is on his way to try out for the Cubs, and he strikes the Whammer out on three pitches. He succumbs to the temptation of the girl in black...who ends up shooting him "Roy, are you going to be the greatest to ever play the game"
--"Thats right"
boom!!!!!!...and off she goes...splattering on the sidewalk.
Then you have Kim Bassinger. It's not an accident that after going on an absolute tear Roy goes into an immediate tailspin from this chick...Sex with a slut will put you in a slump...and you won't realize this until they poison you at a party.
3) THE GREATNESS OF THE "RIGHT" WOMAN
Roy Hobbs + Glen Close at Wrigley Field= the end of the slump. There is nothing evil about this woman. She is pure. Her big white circular hat shining in the sunlight. A halo? Yes. After two horse shit swings she stands up for Roy to see her. He sees her and hits a game winning bomb. The second finest moment in the film.
The right woman makes everything in your life alright.
4) IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DIE AN EMBARRASSING DEATH BY CRASHING THROUGH A WOODEN FENCE YOU WILL BE A TEAM PLAYER
Bump Baily was not a team player and look what happened to him. After half assing it for an entire season he decides he needs to turn it on, just as Roy Hobbs is about to take his spot. He crashes through a fence and dies.
--If you are a lazy dickhead you will end up dead because you crashed into a fence--
5) THE MEDIA IS A BUNCH OF ROTTEN, LIFE SUCKING ASSHOLES WHO WILL SELL YOU DOWN THE RIVER AT FIRST CHANCE...THEN BE THE FIRST ONE TO TELL YOU THEY LOVE YOU WHEN YOU ARE ON TOP
Max Mercy is this guy. He is ripping young Roy Hobbs up and down as he sits with "The Whammer" on the train. "Keep up those no hitters or they'll be looking for you back at Soda Pop Valley"...dick
Then Roy mows down the big guy and...oh look, he loves him...then Roy slumps and Mercy tells him that he's "yesterdays news kid". Exhausting
-Dont trust the fairweather friend-
6) CHILDREN WILL MAKE YOU HIT THE GAME WINNING HOMERUN BY SMASHING A PITCH INTO THE LIGHTS CAUSING A SPONTANEOUS FIREWORKS DISPLAY
I can only imagine that this is true. I don't have children, but those of you that do probably know that this is true. It is not a coincidence that after Roy finds out his son is at the game he hits the game winner. I really don't think it is his son though. At the end of the movie Roy and his "son" have a catch in a field. The kid throws like a girl throwing with her off hand.
It is important that at the beginning of every baseball season that you sit down and watch this great film. It reminds me of my childhood and how much I wanted to be a Big League baseball player. It will help you remember how great the game of baseball is.