It has been years and years since I really cared about the Olympics. In the early 80's we cared because we wanted to beat Russia so badly. The Cold War and Star Wars and all that stuff that was going on when we were barely able to understand; it was the fuel for our hatred and the one way we could fight it was to beat them in the Olympics. We had Carl Lewis, Edwin Moses, and Michael Conely and we followed Greg Luganis and we secretly watched gymnastics. I remember in 1984 coming home from a tough day of 1st grade being momentarily pissed off that Scooby-Doo would not be seen due to the Olympics. I quickly forgot about cartoons as I got sucked into the competition and our battle with the Russians and that guy with the coffee stain on his forehead. It wasn't the US against the rest of the world it was US vs. Russia. It was awesome.
The last time I truly got interested in the Olympics was in 1992 when we had the Dream Team. Never again will there be a hype around a team like that. It was the best basketball players to ever play the game on one team. Bird, Magic, Isaiah, Jordan, Barkley. That is rediculous. We bought their jersey's and tried to wear them out and we drank dozens of large Cokes from McDonalds in our effort to collect all of the Dream Team cups. They beat their opponents senseless and watching those games gave you the same euphoric feeling as you did when you played Double Dribble on the easiest level and you beat your opponent 125-12. It was all quite amazing.
Today just doesn't have that feeling. The feeling of excitement the games once held. No one marks their calendar for the Opening Ceremony and no one really knows any of our track and field stars. There are no great divers we are looking forward to watching and some swimming chick has already been kicked out for taking an illegal substance. We know our basketball team is great but we secretly hope someone beats us because Kobe is not Jordan and Lebron is not Magic and Dwayne Wade is not Larry Bird. They are not a team, but a collection of individuals.
The one athlete I look forward to watching is Michael Phelps. I hope he wins 18 gold medals or something.
The Black Masks
Now I am embarrassed. It's bad enough that the entire world hates us. I don't mean dislike I mean HATE. I am not ashamed to be an American...its the best place in the world to be regardless of what those green shaded hippies say. I mean fuck everyone for hating us, you know. But now in the midst of everyone thinking we are the stuck up, rich, prep school assholes we enter Beijing with some of our athletes wearing surgical masks. Oh fuck, what the fuck. They say they were not trying to make a statement, only that they were concerned about the smog and pollution invading their precious temple bodies. Bullshit! They are all wearing black surgical masks. I have been to a few hospitals in my life and I am pretty sure I have never seen black surgical masks. Black masks, black gloves (Tommie Smith, John Carlos 1968 Mexico...yeah)...that means something. So thats a nice way to start things right. Show the world up close how pretentious and elitist we can be.
I will watch the Olympics this year. I love watching track and field and I hope table tennis is still an Olympic sport. There just isn't as much excitement.
1 comment:
Time to issue a retraction and admit that you've enjoyed a large chunk of the Olympics? Maybe some props to Usain Bolt? One of the top 5 physical specimens in the history of the universe? Hope you got a chance to watch him because if you didn't you are no longer allowed to comment on the Olympics. 1 word...electric. Props to Bob Marley for being awesome and inspiring Usain and the island of Jamaica. Got to admit I've enjoyed the swimming and the Mike Phelps saga and all the broken world records. Let's be honest...swimsuit technology has come a long way just like golf clubs, baseball bats, and basketball shoes. And have you not been a "hot mess" watching all the women's track action? All you have to do is pretend that Coach Cole couldn't get the super-slow-motion function to shut off or that they are men running with broken legs. OK I admit watching the women is like watching Chris W!lliams run gassers! 3 words...slow and unathletic. But maybe time to admit that Coach K actually got the hoops squad to play as a team. Yes they played as a team even though no token John Stockton's on the roster! Only wish I'd seen all these a$$-whippings on TV. Sucks when the Olympics are in Beijing and school starts the 1st week in August. But fills me about halfway up with pride knowing that all this Europeans taking over the sport of basketball was mostly hype. Don't want to hear we "won ugly" when we scored 101 points and beat the defending gold medalist by 20! Glad Carmelo bought his weed in China rather than trying to smuggle his boy's backpack on the plane. Hope none of the other NBA'ers test positive for marijuana for that matter (if it's a banned Olympic substance) Go USA! If you're European and want to win a gold medal in the future, maybe you should take up soccer. Though nostalgic memories cause pain for me to admit it, the Redeem Team has whooped a$$ reminiscent of Dream Team I and II against countries where basketball has supposedly improved dramatically. Apparantly not as much as advertised. I'll admit that my pre-Olympics attitude might've resembled yours, but i've changed my tune. In a nutshell, the Olympics have been relatively sweet...I can't remember enjoying them this much in a long time...you know you did too. Missouri is going to beat Illinois like a broken-down mule.
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